There comes a painful time to many in life when the spouse passes on, the children are grown and away, and many friends are in retirement institutions or passing on as well. Perhaps ‘painful’ is the wrong word; perhaps depressed, melancholy, lonely and mentally unfocused may apply. There may be a strong sense that one is in a different time zone than the rest of the world may be. This is not an accident. It is in our genes: primates prefer to be among their clan, their family and have a desire to be recognized as a peer. Being among their kind perhaps is the strongest defense mechanism, a means by which to stay alive.

Disease and physical maladies take their toll as well. Caring for others is a motivation found not only in primates but in most mammals, many birds and fish as well. Even community-based insects show signs of willing maintenance for the community’s wellbeing. Even so, many humans are left to go on their own – perhaps a cultural phenomenon among blended clans (e.g., large cities).

There are a few behaviors that may sustain the human spirit for those left in isolation. Most of them make sense but the challenge from within is the gumption to do them. What follows is a limited list of things to do to ward off those feelings of depression, melancholy, loneliness and mentally unfocused times:

⊕ When one arises in the morning and has dealt with bathroom issues, make the bed – neatly and every day. It is amazing how much this sets self-discipline for the rest of the day.

⊕ Have a specific morning routine, typically involving opening the house for the day and preparing a breakfast meal. The morning routine may include feeding pets, watering plants, etc. If you are fortunate, you have a daily newspaper to read. The trick is to perform the same tasks every morning; short term memory may benefit.

⊕ Check social media, including email, to see what friends and family are talking about; it would be highly beneficial if you could join in! Let’s face it, one of the great improvements in society is the internet. Every retired person should own an inexpensive computer tablet or (shudder) smartphone for no other reason than safety. If you have a tablet, a cell phone will suffice.

⊕ While it is still morning, walk outside for 20 minutes; do not stroll but take a healthy stride that will stir the circulation system. Inclement weather, except storms, is not an option. Taking on the weather will add to your gumption. Resist deciding to skip walking for any reason.

⊕ If you are fortunate, your walk may take you by one of the following: Visit a fellow loner – stop in a restaurant to meet a coffee group – pick up trash – on the way back home, stop by your next-door neighbor or good friend’s house. (This may feel awkward at first but quickly becomes a favorite part of your routine – it could include a short side trip with them to the store or some other diversion. Don’t forget to finish by walking home.)

⊕ Prepare lunch. Afterward, a nap may call your name; keep it under an hour and a half.

⊕ Pick an organization to attend regularly. Many will choose a religious institution; consider a wide variety of groups like reading club, garden club, VA meetings, exercise sessions offered by libraries, YMCA, etc., golf and bowling leagues, etc. It is important to attend faithfully.

⊕ Tidy one room so it looks clean and neat. On another day, tidy another room.

⊕ Prepare supper. If you can afford it, an occasional dinner in a restaurant is a nice break – especially if you can get a friend to go with you!

⊕ Develop a past time that makes you think, solve puzzles, or how to go about doing a complex task. Most common are crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, small shop projects or reorganizing a room. Mariner has a friend that had a career in an office then retired to be a contractor. A few folks may actually take an educational class just for the new knowledge and social activity. Another friend learned about investment and did fairly well. But here is a handy task: make your own sourdough bread or some other intriguing recipes.

⊕ This may be hard to establish: go to bed before midnight, maybe as early as ten.

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So there you have it – a full day’s example of how to avoid the doldrums. Mix and match any way you like to accommodate your circumstances. Note the theme throughout: talk to people as often as it is convenient; get daily exercise; do some chores; stay physically active; care for others.

Yes, it is damned hard to get started.

Ancient Mariner